opposite of love is indifference
by CriesofCapricorn
Summary: 50 moments from James's and Alyssa's lives, during- and post-series 2. Warmth – It's not until later when she realizes that it wasn't her dad's worn leather jacket that comforted her that first night of their travels, but the warmth of James's body pressed up against her back as he stroked his fingers over her arm.


**Warmth** – It's not until later when she realizes that it wasn't her dad's worn leather jacket that comforted her that first night of their travels, but the warmth of James's body pressed up against her back as he stroked his fingers over her arm.

**Blinded** – Alyssa sees right through people, her perception, sharp and illuminating; so it's inexplicable to James when, no matter what he says, she just won't see how her dad's a proper prick.

**Silence** – James isn't quite sure why the silence is so deafening – save for the thud of his limp body hitting the floor, Clive Koch had barely made a sound.

**Chills** – During one of their trips, they fall asleep on the beach (for old times' sake), only this time, James has draped his jacket and body over her, to keep the chill away.

**Stuffed** – _She can't believe she let her mum persuade her to wear these dumb bra pads_, she thinks, as she fishes them out of her dress and tosses them, avoiding James's raised eyebrows.

**Breath** – He can barely breathe when he sees Alyssa's red jacket on the staircase, but hoping against hope, he musters every bit of oxygen he can to call out her name.

**Floral** – In spite of the blood that she still envisions on her forearms from the gruesome previous night, she can't help but surreptitiously smile inside her palm when she first spots James in his bright red floral shirt.

**Spotted** \- Sometimes, when James is bored, he challenges himself to count the freckles dusted across Alyssa's face, like the stars in the night sky.

**Putrid** – If she weren't in this weird action-plan only mode, she might debate if James's puke outdid the rancid smell of Clive Koch's bloodied carpet.

**Starving** – He pushes the plate toward her, but it's like even lifting her arm a fraction requires more energy than she can expend. James misses the days Alyssa ate everything in sight with gusto and satisfaction.

**Crunch** – James closes his eyes and smiles wide as he hears the autumn leaves crunch beneath the feet of his wife's and their little girl's.

**Juicy** – Her big mouth eventually lands her in a sort of trouble that involves a wired jaw for a couple of weeks. As a result, James painstakingly purees all her meals (at least three per day) and, despite the pain it brings her, she gives him a peck on the lips every time.

**Growling** – She just needs to be by herself, so she screams at him to go and check on Bonnie in the chemist's; his sad, resigned acquiescence makes her feel like utter shit.

**Quiet** – Honestly, she can't understand how James, who is usually so quiet that you forget he's there, will also drop knives from metal stove tops when trying to hide from a psycho with a gun.

**Hum** – Days after she gets engaged to Todd, she finds herself absently humming that one skip-less song on the CD in the car James once hotwired. She suddenly finds herself frozen stiff, until Jerry calls her for a coffee refill.

**Belched** – He interprets Alyssa's hilariously massive belch after eating his home-cooked meal as a compliment on his talent and skill.

**Bubbly** – Normally, Alyssa hates corny shit, but she agrees to entwine her arm with James's, as they sip their champagne the day of their wedding.

**Stale** – A waitress at the local diner near the chapel snaps a photo of the happy wedding couple grimacing in disgust as they feed each other stale chocolate mousse cake.

**Tingling** – Moments after he feels tingling below his waist for the first time, he thinks about how he'd walk the miles to reach her again.

**Pressure** – He isn't sure quite what he expected to happen when Alyssa commanded that he remove his trousers, but it wasn't a tender thigh massage to ease the stiff muscle, remnants of his injury.

**Shine **– Todd's engagement ring shone brightly, but it didn't match the gleam in James's eyes.

**Bland **– Leigh sometimes watches them and figures their relationship is built solely upon monotone responses of "Wot"s and "Okay"s, until she catches the way Alyssa subtly tugs him for attention, smiling all the while, or the way James gazes at her when she's simply serving the customers, mouth screwed in content nervousness, and then, suddenly, she understands.

**Murmur **– Alyssa's mum talks in whispers, but he gets the message loud and clear: James isn't good enough for her daughter.

**Dusty **– The letter James had written her sits atop the mountain of birthday cards from her dad collecting a thin film of dust, in a category of things Alyssa can't accept and, yet, for reasons that she can't name, can't quite abandon either.

**Smooth **– In bed, wrinkled lines of worry and anger dissipate from Alyssa's face, and James gently runs his thumb over her forehead, letting her rest.

**Prickly **– "I will have a great, big, banana _shit_, with…" Alyssa orders, without shame (or respect, for that matter). James chuckles and doesn't realize how her prickly personality just then had started pricking holes in the walls around his heart.

**Lush **– Todd mimes building a home among the dense, verdant woods and Alyssa wishes she could shut up her conscience and pretend alongside with him.

**Azure **– She's not even twenty and yet still responsible for broken hearts and dead bodies, but she feels James's thumb caress her fingers as she looks out toward the open, vivid, cerulean skies and she knows everything will be okay.

**Dizzying **– "Because I am _married_!" she shouts, and suddenly James feels like the world around him is crumbling and snatching him down with it.

**Beauty** – Looking back, it wasn't exaggerated teenage sentiment that made her think it; she really did find him (_hair flopping wildly, arms let loose, and a carefree smile on his lips_) properly beautiful.

**Burnt** – It's ironic, he thinks; the pain when he physically burnt his hand was minimal to the pleasure he feels when Alyssa holds it.

**Clean** – "Shit," she says, looking around at the state of the car, used towels piled in the corner of the back seat, take-out food containers squished under the passenger's seat, a razorblade on the dashboard. "I really expected you to be cleaner than this."

**Music** – She doesn't know if she considers it a blessing or a curse, but Alyssa will dance to any tune that is blasted; the ones at Mystery Man's fancy house are no exception.

**Searing** – He wasn't kidding when he said that he preferred being shot; the idea of losing Alyssa, _now_, when he had no one else_, _was too much to bear.

**Homeostasis** – His foot floors the accelerator as the car crashes through the pound's gates; Alyssa is giggling and for a few minutes, he feels like everything is right with the world again.

**Wrinkle** – When she first sees him again after two years, he's donning a proper suit, riddled with wrinkles everywhere. He's only twenty, but he looks so aged (and _worn_) that she starts to seek out wrinkles in his skin too.

**Squirm** – "The fuck are we supposed to _do_, James?" Alyssa says, the newborn baby girl wriggling in her arms. He replies, voice cracking, "I don't know … We'll figure it out."

**Smoky** \- At first, James wants to impress Alyssa's dad and he tries hard not to grimace or cough when Leslie blows smoke from his blunt in James's face.

**Gray** – He feels sticky blood seeping through his fingers and his vision is becoming clouded with gray, but still, he spots her unmistakable bright blue eyes until unconsciousness claims him completely.

**Billowy** – He spies her through the car side-view mirror, trying on a long, flowing, white gown, and he tries to imagine an alternate reality where the suit he's worn for the past week since the funeral was meant for a happier occasion.

**Sniff** – He's a blubbering mess of frustration, but then he nuzzles his face into Alyssa's neck, fragranced with cheap clean-linen-scented soap, and his body stills, his breathing even, as if on command.

**Crimson** – When she's dragged away by the police, feet kicking at the sand, she comes away with only blood on her palm, and no consolation that he'll be all right.

**Blush** – It's adorable, she thinks, that after all they've been through, his cheeks still redden when he sees her naked for the first time.

**Curls** – They're in the middle of their make-over disguises when she cuts and brushes aside the shaggy hair from his forehead and reveals to him, "Huh. Did you know you have curls?"

**Squishy** – Alongside the community service, she's mandated to a counseling session where she reservedly hugs a pillow, the whole time, wishing it were James.

**Distant** – It's painful to know that Alyssa's home is only half a mile away from the hospital, and still, they cannot see each other.

**Supple** – Sometimes she remembers how rigid he used to be around her – a strained first kiss, a tense embrace – and she marvels at how his arms wrap around her entire frame now, hands roaming the whole of her back, his mouth exploring her throat. (She doesn't complain.)

BONUSES: 

**Soggy** – She learns that in addition to putting mustard on them, he weirdly likes his chips best when they're soggy. (She's never loved him more.)

**Laughter** \- He thinks his favorite sound in the world is Alyssa laughing with genuine mirth, childlike and innocent and _happy_.

**Blurry** \- The world often feels muted to them but being with each other makes them feel like they're at the edge of the world, hovering over a perilous precipice, but eternally safe, hand in hand.

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**Disclaimer: I clearly don't own the characters or series.**

**I figured this prompt was perfect for two characters who often lacked in feeling.**

**Feedback greatly appreciated, especially since this is a small fandom. (Why, I don't know, because I immediately fell hard for the series and characters!)**


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